I got to tick a few boxes on the “get shit done” list today.  Chiefly, the website.  Had a great time hanging out with my friend, B.  We took the Drupal site down and put up this lovely, minimalist WordPress site.  True, it’s not pure minimalist, but it’s a lot less busy (though not as pretty) as the old site.  The important part is that it is readable on ALL devices now–which was a huge failing in the old site.  Wordpress is also MUCH easier to use for the time that I have to devote to the website.  The words being the MOST important part.

This incarnation of RJSpindle.com will be simplified in MANY respects.  Primarily, it will be a blog.  Once we have a novel finished, it will also be a place to purchase our writing.  It will also contain a smattering of free fiction, but things like the commentaries will either be worked into the blog, or vanish altogether.  The notes were good for me, but hardly useful to the site.

Mostly, I plan to use the site as a public journal.  A way of connecting to readers, the few we have now, and those to come as our writing finally releases.  I’m done trying to pull stunts to try and get people to pay attention to us before the writing comes out.  Not only do I not have the time, I’m not really finding the people who I want to connect with.

Amanda Palmer

The goal is to find our small community of readers who just latch on to the stories we write as we have latched onto them.  The love I have for our stories is the only thing that is keeping me trying at this point.  I’m going to do what Amanda Palmer says, and “stop pretending art is hard.”  The art isn’t hard.  It never has been.  It’s life.  Life is hard.  And really what I want out of life is connection with people.  So, if I’m going to try at anything, it is finding that connection.  While letting my art happen instead of forcing it.

Speaking of which, I got some fair art done earlier.  I did some revising on the novelized version of the “Glitter & Grease” story.  The first two volumes are being combined to make the first novel in the series: “Science Fiction Double Feature.”  It felt good to get some work done.  I might do a little more before hitting the sack.

BillyidolI’ve had Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself” stuck in my head all night. So much so, that I am punishing my ears by blaring the song into them on repeat. I must give a shout out to the website making this possible: ListenOnRepeat.com. Check it.

I feel like I should be writing something. That thing wasn’t one of the few novels I have going. So I decided to pour myself into a blog. I need it. I need to get back into a regular blogging routine. I need to get into a regular routine, period.

Thirty years old, and I’ve found myself in a place I did not expect to be. Nowhere. It’s not a new story. It almost feels like a right of passage. Of course, knowing things intellectually does not always help with the going through them part. It’s so hard not giving in to the depression. It’s so hard NOT masking what I am really feeling with some form of intoxicant. Even as I am writing this, I am not all here. I have a little of this and a little of that and some of another thing in my system.

When I reflect on who I am from the perspective of my younger self, THAT is when I want to give in to the depression the most. Yet, there is a still, small voice inside of me that is urging me to feel it. I think that is why Billy Idol is stuck in my head.

A few weeks ago, another song did this to me, and it turned into something VERY positive. I was at an all-time-low at the job. I was sick, and a nervous wreck. On a break, I heard Janis Joplin’s “Me an Bobbly McGee” come on the radio, and all the feelings I held so tightly inside exploded out of me. I cried, and I sang, and I cried even harder. It gave me the motivation to quit that job and find another. Of course, the new job is only slightly better, but *fingers crossed* hopefully good enough to let me carry out my plan for the next year.

My plan is to write like hell and to get myself in shape for hiking the Appalachian Trail next year. From Georgia to Maine. In order to achieve the latter, I’ll definitely need to give up most of my vices (caffeine, nicotine, etc).

Now I’m getting stuck. It’s a quarter to one in the morning. Since my new job is overnight shifts though, that’s not as late as it seems. Alas, I am not used to the new schedule yet so … I’m fading. At least where the higher brain functions are concerned.

I suppose I’ll play a game for a little bit, go to bed, and wake up to my day off. I’ll be able to DO something tomorrow. Though, tomorrow has been my problem lately. It’s always tomorrow. Here’s hoping for the sun coming out.